Surrender is Hard... Whether You're 3 or 31.

We've been having some rough days with our three year old recently. She is a little girl with big emotions and big opinions and desires to be in control of every situation.

This last week she has been waking in the middle of the night announcing that she does not want to sleep anymore, especially not in her own bed. You can imagine how thrilled this makes me, especially since Addison isn't quite sleeping through the night yet. Between Addie waking to nurse and Lilly thinking that she can decide that 2am is morning time I am getting very little sleep.

Tonight as I was holding Lilly in her bed and singing her a few songs to help her settle back down to sleep I started praying for her to have a spirit of submission and to trust and surrender to my authority. I knew when I told her it was time for mommy to go back to her bed she would start to whine and tell me no. (Still trying to figure out why she thinks she can tell me no, it never works out for her, but she is persistent in trying...) While I was praying God began speaking to my heart about surrender to His authority.

There are so many areas I am actually being exactly like Lilly in my desire for control.

When Lilly is struggling to obey we talk to her about how our choices lead to blessings or consequences and provide examples of each. We talk to her about how God has made us to be her mommy and daddy and that she needs to trust and obey because we know what is best for her, like staying in her bed and sleeping at night. In all the wisdom of her 3 years, she insists that she doesn't need to sleep, insists that her bed is not the best place for her to be. I can see her internal struggle sometimes as she thinks about the blessings of good behavior. She wants them. She wants to enjoy the good things like snack time after bath for example, but she just can't bring herself to fully surrender. No matter how good the promise of obedience, her desire for autonomy is winning out. She can't see past the moment she's in or let go of wanting to be in control of her situation. I know there are differing parenting philosophies on allowing your children to choose or not choose certain things, but let me say that when there are times when we allow her to choose, as in "Okay you don't have to put your covers on." after she's whined about them being on, she will immediately begin to whine and say she does want them on after all. Because she's three and she doesn't know what she wants except for to be the boss.

My heart is more like my three year old then I really want to admit.

I know the promises of obedience that God has given us in His word, and I want them badly! But so many times I just can't see past the situation I am in to surrender to Him. So many times my prayers are full of demands disguised as petitions - requests that are really my insisting that God make things turn out the way that I want them too {you know, all the wisdom of my 31 years!} instead of trusting that He knows whats best for me.

This whispering from the Holy Spirit tonight as I cuddled my toddler renewed my patience and compassion for her. In the end I did have to exercise discipline because the rules on bedtime are not up for negotiation, but my heart was gentle and compassionate towards her as I thought of the ways God's kindness leads me to repentance. His statutes are also not up for debate, even when I question them. I am grateful that He is slow to anger and quick to forgive.

So here I am awake and at 2:40 am writing this down {while nursing Addison} so that I will remember on the days that I am teaching Lilly for the 100th time about surrender and obedience, that God has been trying to teach me the same lesson for the last 31 years. His mercies have failed not, they are new for me every morning. And so will I strive to offer that same grace to my 3 year old. Even at 2am.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23

"You Lord, are forgiving and good. Abounding in love to all who call to you."

Psalms 86:5

 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins 

and purify us from all unrighteousness."

1 John 1:9

"Honor your father and you mother, so that you may live long in the land 

the Lord your God is giving you"

Exodus 20:12

See Addison Grow {Months 1- 4}

The third child syndrome is showing up strong with our Addie Bear! Its been four months and I haven't posted one update about her here. Thankfully I've been taking her pictures so I'm just going to do a quick re-cap to get me caught up!

Month One was a dream. My sweet girl felt like such a gift to my mama heart. I was worried I would be an irritable, exhausted mom trying to parent a high spirited toddler {I'm looking at you Lilly!} on little to no sleep with a newborn, but God knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. It's hard to explain the joy she's brought to me in this season of motherhood. At a time when I was struggling to believe that I could live up to the calling of mothering my children well, she came and refreshed my spirit. I can't even say it was anything specific about her, though she was an extremely content baby her first month, but she just exuded love. Every day I was literally overwhelmed with gratefulness for God's gift to me through her and His new mercies.

Her first month she ate every 1.5 -2 hours, woke every 2-3 hours at night, and loved the swing and rock n play for napping. Had no interest in a pacifier. She quickly grew out of newborn size diapers and clothes. At her 2 day follow up she was a little jaundice and they made us go to the lab to have her blood drawn. It was the worst for her, it took forever and they had to prick her heal so many times to get enough blood. I was so frustrated and her test results ended up coming back normal, which I'm thankful for but felt it was unnecessary to have it done.

Her sisters adjusted so well to having her home and love her so much. They would run into our room every morning that first month asking to see her.

At her 2 month check up she was in 86th percentile for weight and you can tell by her picture that she sports quite the round belly. She's been my chunkiest by far. 

Her second month she continued to bless us with her easy going and content personality. She started sharing her dimply smile with us and intentionally making eye contact. Reaghan and Lilly were over the moon when she started smiling at them. This month she was the queen of going to the bathroom right in the middle of a diaper changes! She gave me a few 5 hour stretches at night but mostly she still woke every 2-3 hours at night. I honestly didn't mind and loved her snuggles so much. I have to make myself put her back in her bassinet when she falls back asleep! 

A beautiful memory from this month was getting family pictures taken and just spending most of those first 8 weeks at home snuggling! 

By three months she celebrated her first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years! 

We enjoyed all of the matching outfits during that holiday season!

She is growing so fast! 

By 3 months she was in size 2 diapers and already in 3-6 month clothing. 

She is so quick to share smiles with everyone and she shared her first giggles with us. 

She was not in a consistent nap schedule at this point, but that was mostly my fault because I enjoyed her snuggles so much and didn't feel the need to get her in a schedule since I wasn't going back to work. She was keeping to her 2-3 hour waking schedule at night and at this point, while the snuggles were nice, mama was ready for some sleep! haha We had a couple of rough nights where she ended up sleeping in the swing because she just wasn't settling in her bassinet or rock n play. She caught a cold right around 2 months and her stuffy nose continued all through her third month and I think that played a role in her sleeping habits. She also developed a cough from the cold and had a bad stretch of choking while nursing because of all of the drainage. It wasn't fun. Lots of saline spray, snot sucking and humidifiers running at night.

4 months old! Time is flying!

She weighed in at 16.9 lbs at her 4 month check up which put her in the 92nd percentile. 

She's fully in 6 month clothing and size 3 diapers.

She learned to roll from back to belly and is doing great during tummy time, I might even say she enjoys it, especially if sisters are playing on the floor around her and she can watch them. She hadn't figured out belly to back just yet. She has found her hands and has started grabbing for her toys.

 Does not like to be held cradled like a baby anymore, definitely wants to be sitting up to see whats going on. She loves bath time. Giggles at her sisters funny noises and faces and also when you kiss her cheeks. 

She has the deepest dimples on both sides.

She is finally getting over her two month long stuffy nose and we're so grateful!

She still isn't sleeping through the night just yet which makes me hesitant to move her to her own room because I don't really want to get up out of bed 2-3x a night, but we are getting ready to renovate our master bathroom and I know I need to move her before we start that because there might be dust and fumes and yuck that I don't want her to be exposed to.

Eats ever 2.5-3 hours and decided this month when Mark and I went out for a Valentine's date that she doesn't like a bottle anymore! Previously she took it without a problem. I think its because we haven't had the need to feed her with one, but we need to start breaking it out again for her to practice so we can enjoy some date nights without stressing.

And now we are caught up! Sort of. She will be 5 months old in 6 days. *face palm* 

I started this post almost a month ago but finally decided to finish it after I got her baby book out to update everything in there too!

So be looking for a post next week or so for her 5 month pictures and updates. : ) You know, if you care to follow along with the milestones and memories of the Third Poindexter girl.