I See You Now {a Mother's Day post}

I'm in my 4th year of motherhood, celebrating my 4th Mothers Day, and I feel so blessed. I am so grateful for my 2 healthy girls. But do you know what I become increasingly more grateful for with each new phase of motherhood that I encounter? My mom.

When we're kids I think we see our mom's as just our moms. As in, that's the beginning and end of who they are. We don't realize that they are women with hopes, dreams, passions, and feelings, but also women with a love so strong that they're willing to sacrifice all of these things to pour into their children's lives. I know growing up, I didn't really see my mom. In all honesty I didn't see her... REALLY see her, until I became a mom. I realized all of my hopes and dreams and passions and feelings didn't disappear just because I gave birth to a child. They were still there I just had to re-prioritize, set aside some things for a while, and for other things maybe lay them down for good. I know that time will not be in my favor as I mother my children and wait to pursue other goals... just as its not in anyone's favor. I'm sure that when I emerge on the other side of motherhood some youthful dreams may no longer be an option for me. In the end, I'm okay with this because I know motherhood has an eternal value far beyond any of my earthly pursuits, but it always hurts to some extent to deny yourself. With each opportunity to choose family over myself, I realize my mom had to make those same choices to build up her family instead of her own dreams.

My mama gave up big things like travelling and a career to stay home with her kids. Those big things, while I also didn't fully appreciate until much older, were noticed more than others. I saw those sacrifices way before I saw the little things done on a daily basis. I'm finding out that in motherhood its the small, unseen, unappreciated things that can take the most out of us. These are the things that require the most humility, the most sacrifice and the sometimes difficult, quiet choice to do it again and again and again just because of love.*

So mom, for this mothers day, I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that even though I didn't see you then... I see you now...

I didn't see you when you were up all night with sick kids and still got up to make homemade donuts for breakfast, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when I surely embarrassed you by breaking that jelly jar in the grocery store, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you forgave us for kicking a soccer ball in the house that knocked down a shelf and broke several of your things, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you had 2 toddlers, a physically challenged son, an elementary school student, a middle school student and a highschool student all at one time to teach, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you let your living room be over run by hot wheel race tracks all day long, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you got that tough grease stain out of dad's shirt and deserved a round of applause, but I see you now.

I didn't see you {or appreciate} the time you took to sew us homemade Easter dresses, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you made a shattered window or a flat tire seem like no big deal while traveling to Florida with 4 kids by yourself, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you forgave me for burning your brand new carpet with an Iron or breaking the arm of your brand new couch, things that you worked hard to save for, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you gave up 4 afternoons a week to take me to soccer practice every spring, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when the grocery and eating out budget was maxed out, your teenage kids ate all the food and you still whipped up a fun dinner of pizza on bagels, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you put back something for yourself to buy me the soccer cleats that I had to have, the prom dress that was perfect, but I see you now.

I didn't see you when you endured my hurtful, disrespectful attitude and eye rolls to speak truth to me that I didn't want to hear, but I see you now.

I didn't see you taking your job as a mother seriously, reading parenting book after parenting book to make sure you were doing the best that you could, but I see you now.

I didn't see you the nights that you stayed up praying for us and reading God's Word instead of sleeping or relaxing in front of the TV, but I see you now.


There were so many things you gave, allowed, fixed, handled... so many times you chauffeured, forgave, cooked, listened, and cuddled... so, so many things that I never saw and appreciated until now. So many things that I can never go back and repay you for but can only hope to honor you by giving to my family what you've given and continue to give to us.

I am so thankful to have had such a selfless, Christ-centered mother! I'm also SO proud that you are showing us how you can hold on to and finish chasing dreams when your children leave the nest.

Some dreams can be picked up again... I'm looking at you Mrs. University Volleyball coach!