My Hyperemesis Pregnancies {Part 2}

In my last post I talked about the morning sickness woes with my first and second pregnancies and ended promising a followup on my third, so here it is!

When 2019 came around we knew we wanted to try again for a 3rd baby at some point this year. We were thinking a little later in the year but by mid February this little girl's life had begun. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I began praying in earnest that my morning sickness would not be as bad as the others. I felt a sureness in my soul that it wouldn't be so bad. I was in the best shape that I'd been in since before Reaghan was born. I was eating the Trim Healthy Mama way regularly, I was only a few pounds away from my ultimate goal weight but felt good about my health so I wasn't concerned. I had run a marathon and a 50k only 2 months before. I had also been soaking in Epsom salt baths because of my sore muscles from running so I was excited that my magnesium levels were probably pretty good - since that's supposed to be a contributing factor to morning sickness - and felt confident that it would lessen my symptoms!

I think it was this false sense of confidence in the beginning that it made the morning sickness so hard to accept when the hyperemesis kicked in only 10 days after finding out I was pregnant.

There isn't really a need to share the details again, you get the idea - vomit non stop, unable to keep any solids or liquids down, sudden weight loss. Again I was faced with the reality that I had someone besides myself to care for {2 this time!} when I felt like I could barely survive the day. I couldn't reconcile how I was going to make it happen. Within only a few days I was significantly depressed and overwhelmed. I laid in bed one night crying and sent my mom and sisters this text.

When I sent it, I didn't feel like I was over exaggerating. It is sincerely how I felt. I couldn't see through the darkness of being that sick. I couldn't imagine feeling this way for another 12 weeks, I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time and I knew this would last well past the 1st trimester. I wish I could say that it was then that I cried out to God and allowed His grace to be sufficient for me, but instead I spent 2 more weeks wallowing in my self pity, swearing that this would be my last pregnancy because if I made it through this, I absolutely COULD NOT do it again.

But God was so gracious while I sat in my pit of despair. He sent my family and friends to help lift me up. Mark of course was the constant, steady rock through it all. Caring for the girls as soon as he was home from work from dinners to baths to bedtimes. Its truly an exhausting time for him, not only because he takes on many of my household responsibilities on top of working but I keep him at night with my trips to the bathroom and tossing and turning in bed. He has never complained about it in any of my pregnancies. My older sister is always the generous giver and brought me everything she could think of that might ease my sickness from peppermints to suck on to straws so I could sip drinks slowly. Friends brought dinners for my family to eat and ordered pizza's to be delivered to our home. My mom took Reaghan to her dance classes. My sister and friends picked the girls up for play dates to get them out of the house and brought me one of the only things I could seem to sip on and keep down - a Starbucks frappe.

Not my most flattering picture, but basically how we survived the evenings until bedtime.

It was through their selfless acts towards me and my family that God's grace began to poke through my gloom and despondency. I began to feel my conscience pricked by my selfish attitude and then one day I decided to listen to one of Oh Hey Truth's podcast in their series of Philippians. They talked about Paul and what he was probably going through being in prison. I was convicted of how little my suffering was compared to what others have endured before me, and for much less joyful reasons than carrying a new life! I was convicted of how I certainly had not been rejoicing in any of my suffering. I had not been feeling especially thankful for the ease of getting pregnant or the babe growing inside of me. The darkness started to fall away as I listened to God's Word. It was then that my soul finally called out to God; repenting of selfishness and asking for help to change my attitude and perspective.

And here's the thing. My attitude did change, but my sickness persisted. I continued to need to spend the majority of the day laying on the couch and get sick with every sight and smell of food. I didn't call off work anymore, but in a truly un-explainable, God-is-gracious way, my schedule would "fall apart" on its own and I didn't have to work as many hours in the middle of a busy spring sports schedule. I knew I was headed for an ER trip with the way things were going so I began forcing myself to eat or drink even though I knew it would probably come back up... I just prayed some of it would stay down long enough to make a difference. I did my best to do a load of laundry or wipe the counters or make it to church... all the while rushing to the bathroom when necessary. It still sucked. My throat was still raw to the point of bleeding some times from the vomiting, BUT I wasn't in my pit. On the worst days the hours seemed to drag by and I was still a little less patient with my toddlers than I like to admit, BUT I could recognize it get myself together.

Eventually the symptoms began to lessen as they had before and I just had to deal with the nausea and not so much of the vomiting. I eventually weaned myself off the Zofran because it was making me extremely exhausted throughout the day and that was a totally different challenging symptom!

So here were are now... the severity of the beginning starting to fade the way the memory of labor pains do though clearly not completely gone from my mind! The last two pregnancies I felt MUCH better around 18-20 weeks but for whatever reason I'm now 27 weeks and still waking up nauseous almost every morning. I have to make sure I get some solid protein for breakfast or I feel light headed and faint and have to lay down for 15 minutes or so. Every few days or so I gag my way through making dinner or lose my dinner doing ONLINE grocery shopping. I think the rough emotional start and the fact that this is the longest I've had to deal with being sick has made this third go around the hardest by far.

BUT those things above aren't happening every day. Over all I feel 100% better than I did in the beginning and in that I rejoice! In some ways I'm embarrassed to look back at how I handled the first few weeks of being sick this time around, but I'm so grateful that God pursued my heart in my darkness. He was faithful to me when I was at the end of my rope. At one point after God began to change my heart, I listened to another podcast by Raising Arrows about her experience with severe morning sickness and hyperemesis and every word she spoke was like a soothing balm on my soul because I could relate to it in every way. I write this in hopes that I can just join Amy in her testimony and let you know that if you're struggling to get through morning sickness, you aren't alone! I've been there. Others have been there. It can be so hard! But God is there for you too if you let Him in. He wants to walk with you in your sickness and His grace is sufficient to see you through! You will get through this Mama!

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"When you pass through the waters,

    I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

    they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

    you will not be burned;

    the flames will not set you ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2