We've been having some rough days with our three year old recently. She is a little girl with big emotions and big opinions and desires to be in control of every situation.

This last week she has been waking in the middle of the night announcing that she does not want to sleep anymore, especially not in her own bed. You can imagine how thrilled this makes me, especially since Addison isn't quite sleeping through the night yet. Between Addie waking to nurse and Lilly thinking that she can decide that 2am is morning time I am getting very little sleep.

Tonight as I was holding Lilly in her bed and singing her a few songs to help her settle back down to sleep I started praying for her to have a spirit of submission and to trust and surrender to my authority. I knew when I told her it was time for mommy to go back to her bed she would start to whine and tell me no. (Still trying to figure out why she thinks she can tell me no, it never works out for her, but she is persistent in trying...) While I was praying God began speaking to my heart about surrender to His authority.

There are so many areas I am actually being exactly like Lilly in my desire for control.

When Lilly is struggling to obey we talk to her about how our choices lead to blessings or consequences and provide examples of each. We talk to her about how God has made us to be her mommy and daddy and that she needs to trust and obey because we know what is best for her, like staying in her bed and sleeping at night. In all the wisdom of her 3 years, she insists that she doesn't need to sleep, insists that her bed is not the best place for her to be. I can see her internal struggle sometimes as she thinks about the blessings of good behavior. She wants them. She wants to enjoy the good things like snack time after bath for example, but she just can't bring herself to fully surrender. No matter how good the promise of obedience, her desire for autonomy is winning out. She can't see past the moment she's in or let go of wanting to be in control of her situation. I know there are differing parenting philosophies on allowing your children to choose or not choose certain things, but let me say that when there are times when we allow her to choose, as in "Okay you don't have to put your covers on." after she's whined about them being on, she will immediately begin to whine and say she does want them on after all. Because she's three and she doesn't know what she wants except for to be the boss.

My heart is more like my three year old then I really want to admit.

I know the promises of obedience that God has given us in His word, and I want them badly! But so many times I just can't see past the situation I am in to surrender to Him. So many times my prayers are full of demands disguised as petitions - requests that are really my insisting that God make things turn out the way that I want them too {you know, all the wisdom of my 31 years!} instead of trusting that He knows whats best for me.

This whispering from the Holy Spirit tonight as I cuddled my toddler renewed my patience and compassion for her. In the end I did have to exercise discipline because the rules on bedtime are not up for negotiation, but my heart was gentle and compassionate towards her as I thought of the ways God's kindness leads me to repentance. His statutes are also not up for debate, even when I question them. I am grateful that He is slow to anger and quick to forgive.

So here I am awake and at 2:40 am writing this down {while nursing Addison} so that I will remember on the days that I am teaching Lilly for the 100th time about surrender and obedience, that God has been trying to teach me the same lesson for the last 31 years. His mercies have failed not, they are new for me every morning. And so will I strive to offer that same grace to my 3 year old. Even at 2am.

This summer I've been doing a couple of different things for my morning bible time. I've been rotating between a couple of books and then just reading through the book of Philippians... memorizing it and meditating on it and letting it take root deep in my heart.

There have been many words that have convicted and challenged me to check the motives of my heart, but these specific words from Paul have been following me around the last few days.

I've made a huge, horrible parenting faux pas that I never thought I would make. I'm actually really ashamed to admit it because it seems like its so simple. If you would've painted me the scenario prior to having kids I would've known the exact right answer to give you. Not that there IS always an exact right answer to parenting, but I would've thought there was. But even if there isn't a perfect answer for everyone, I do feel like I screwed the pooch on something that is pretty straight forward for most people. Your child eats whatever you eat for dinner. 

You guys... I have not been following this basic law of parenting. I have been making my 4 year old different dinners for the last...ummm... 3 years.

This week I finally decided to make the change... But first let me explain!



Reaghan is the pickiest eater of all time. And I am 100% not exaggerating. I'll list at the end the things she will actually eat because its small enough that I can make a list! She started off eating food off of our plates along with her baby food when she was a baby... I didn't have any concerns about what she was/was not eating until right after she turned a year old. She suddenly started turning down foods that she previously ate and I guess in a slow fade type of way we ended up where we are today where she eats only a very small list of foods and I catered to that during meal times. Don't mistake what I'm saying though. I have tried my HARDEST to get her to eat what we're having for dinner over the last 3 years. I've flipped back and forth between not wanting to make food a big deal so I just let her eat what she likes to standing my ground, insisting that she try a bite of something. The latter usually ended up in melt downs that were then followed by being disciplined because of her meltdowns. It was difficult for her to differentiate that the discipline wasn't because she wasn't eating but because of the fit she was throwing about the eating. This just lead to complete frustration for both Mark and I {and Reaghan} and stressful dinner times. We've also tried an in between method of telling her that she doesn't have to eat whats on her plate but if she doesn't than she doesn't get dessert. This would also lead to extreme meltdowns because, of course, she loves dessert.

I would read so much advice on this subject. All of the articles, all of the blogs. Most agreed that food shouldn't be made in to a big deal and you should let your child come to the new foods on their own. So for the last year we've mostly been rotating between 2 dinners for Reaghan. Usually she'll either get Greek Yogurt, fruit and crackers or one of those GoGo squeeze pouches with the veggies in it and a fruit bar with something else on the side. There would be some variations to these meals here and there but those were kind of the two staple meals. I didn't LOVE this solution but I'd been okay with it because I didn't feel like I was catering to her every whim or fancy for what she wanted to eat for dinner. I wasn't "taking her order" every night, if she didn't eat what we were eating {which she never did unless it was pizza.} then I would give her one of those two options and I decided which one she got each night based on what else she had eaten that day. We would always offer her the food we were having but she always turned it down. Of course, a few months ago I started getting frustrated again that these were her meals so I made sure to put a little something of what were having on her plate and again insist she eat one bite if she wanted a snack. She responded better this time around, as in she didn't have major melt downs, but trying the food still brought on the waterworks and dramatic gagging while she was chewing. Mark and I did better at staying calm and matter of fact implementing this strategy for like the 3rd time and by the end of dinner she had usually taken a bite and then finished her other food, but it was back to feeling like our dinner was no longer enjoyable.


Now let me go off on a little side note and say that I do think she has some oral texture issues. I've talked about her picky eating with our pediatrician and because Reaghan is healthy and growing she isn't currently concerned. Mark is a pretty picky eater himself and he is also sensitive to the texture of things. His mom relates to our issues with Reaghan and jokes that its payback for everything he put her through as a kid! So Reaghan comes by it honestly. Reaghan is also a very sensitive child who hates to disappoint and easily gets anxious about things, which she gets from me! I think combining these things made her feel awful about not wanting to eat but she really cannot stop herself from gagging on some foods. I think trying to be sensitive to things like her texture issues but also not wanting it to be an excuse for poor behavior has added to my struggle and inconsistency on how to deal with her eating issues.

Okay, back to why its finally changing. Like I said dinner time was starting to feel stressful again and I was starting to feel guilty about that, so I was starting to lay off on the whole "try one bite thing" again. Which was just more inconsistency from me! But there were 2 turning points that really made me stop and say we have to make a permanent change here. First, Reaghan had her first sleepover at her cousins house. {She's spent the night at my parent's house before, but even if she was a good eater she'd probably just eat ice cream for dinner over there so I never cared.} She'd never had a sleepover at another house with another kid and I wanted to impress on her that when you are a visitor in someone else's home you should be polite and eat what they make for you. It wasn't so much that I worried about her actions with her family members, her aunt and uncle are well aware of her picky eating and were planning on having things they know she likes because they love her, but it opened my eyes a little. Like, hey, this girl is growing up and she might start to get invited to have dinner with friends in the next couple of years! How can I train her to be polite and grateful in a food situation when she is out of the house if we aren't creating and practicing that for her at home?

Christmas Eve dinner. My niece Anslee cheesing for the picture!

The second turning point was that Lilly was starting to turn down her normal foods as she's become more aware of whats going on around her and could tell that Reaghan wasn't eating what everyone else was eating.

All of my pictures are of the girls eating sweets! They do have a strong sweet tooth but that's not all we eat! I only have pictures of us eating when its a special occasion! No pictures of us just eating a normal dinner.

That one was the real kicker. I said no more. I'm not doing this with two kids. Seriously, it seems like a no-brainer. Obviously you can't feed one child what you're eating but let the other one have something different every night. How did I even get to where I am with this whole situation?! I really am pretty embarrassed to even write this down and I readily admit that this has not been the shining moment of my motherhood so far.

So whats the new plan? What are we doing now? Well, it's the most basic answer. Dinner is dinner. Nothing extra or special on anyone's plate. Whatever I make is what is going on their plate. I will try to incorporate something that I know she likes, even if it is a small something, so she can be eating and not just sitting there watching us eat but that won't always happen. There's no catch. If she doesn't want to eat it then she doesn't have to. She can still have dessert or "snack." But the pre-bedtime snack that they always get has drastically reduced in size. We used to let them have a cookie or a little Debbie cake but its now a single Hershey Kiss. {I know I could do changing snack to something a little healthier as well, but we have healthy snacks during the day and I don't think there's anything wrong with having something sweet in the evenings, so that's why I decided on the small piece of chocolate.} I've had to push past a little bit of mom guilt that my girl might be going to bed hungry because she didn't eat anything for dinner and only had a small piece of chocolate before bed, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one.

We started our new dinner time rule this past Monday without any fuss or fanfare. Just matter of fact-ly gave her what was for dinner. She hasn't eaten a bite of what I've made so far. {Except for tonight when we had pizza.} But I will tell you this... She has been eating every. last. bite. of her breakfast! Breakfast in the past could sometimes be a challenge... usually she'd eat about half of what was given her and every once in a while be whiny about what we were having, even if she'd eaten it before without a problem. This week? She's been scarfing down what ever is on her plate.

I do try to make sure she gets ample nutrition during the day with breakfast, snacks and lunch. I choose what's for lunch like with all meal times, but I'm willing to give her yummy food that she enjoys to fill her belly like Greek yogurt, regular yogurt, fruit, peanut butter and crackers, or smoothies with hidden veggies, etc. Just so you know I'm not letting my child starve. ; )

I don't know if it will be another year before she tries anything new, but for the first time in a long time I feel like this is the right answer. Dinner time has been stress free and I just have to remind myself to keep it that way. I honestly don't know why it took me so long. Too much over thinking and inconsistency and guilt of not being able to find a solution and guilt of implementing the wrong strategies. There's no use regretting what's been the painful ups and downs of our dinner time. It's just time to move forward in God's grace and with a renewed sense of order this year. My prayer is that, since there isn't any pressure now, she'll eventually start trying new foods on her own. I'll let you know how it goes. <3





Food Reaghan Will Eat: (Does not include snack foods like goldfish, cheerios, etc.)
Instant oatmeal
Pancake/Waffles
Muffins
Donuts
Yogurt
Greek Yogurt
Apples
Bananas
Grapes
Blueberries
Strawberries
Earth's Best granola bars - no other brand.
Lara Bars - various flavors.
GoGo squeeze pouches. (2 flavors)
Cheese Pizza (But not pizza bites or pizza bagels or anything else pizza-like, just a slice of pizza.)
Peanut butter (all by its self)
Plain crackers
Cheese crackers/peanut butter crackers
Smoothies/Green smoothies
Soft Pretzels

*Does not eat any kind of meat, cheese by itself, or bread for any kind of sandwich.

I completely forgot to write my annual update on my baby girl! I shared her birthday party but not all of the things that made her special in her fourth year of life.

I am going to go ahead and give all the "baby book" stats that you know I love to document but I could really some up her "specialness" in one small story. Her birthday this year was on a Monday so for several weeks we were planning what we should do during the day until daddy got off work. We decided we would go to the Children's museum and invite some friends to join us. She woke up the morning of her birthday excited to go! We stopped at the grocery store on the way to pick up some cupcakes to share with our friends and after we got back in to the car I decided to pull up the address of the museum on google to make sure I knew exactly where I was going. As soon as the page appeared on my phone with the address it also showed the hours of operation and that they were CLOSED on Mondays. I couldn't believe it! I called to double check and sure enough, they were closed. I was so bummed! I knew Reaghan had been looking forward to it so much and I felt so bad for not knowing or checking to see if it would be closed but she handled it so graciously. She was disappointed but she kept reassuring me that it was okay and that maybe we could go again another day! Thankfully we were able to get a hold of our friends and meet up at Chuck E Cheese instead and she was delighted to play there for an hour or so! No melt downs over change of plans. She is genuinely a sweet, tenderhearted, thoughtful little girl. I am so grateful to be her mama.

On to her stats!

• At her 4 year check up she weighed 32 lbs and is 3 feet 3 inches tall. So she's grown 3 inches this past year and bumped up from the 25th percentile for weight to the 33rd. I was happy about that because she continues to be a picky eater and I'm always trying to make sure she's eating enough good, healthy food.
• She has matured a lot this year. I still wouldn't characterize her as outgoing but she speaks when spoken too, has developed some cute little friendships at church and no longer needs to me to be with her when we are around friends. Last year she sat right by my side during summer bible study but this year she spent the whole time playing friends. 
• She completed her first year of dance class, including 2 recitals! I wasn't sure if she would do okay being in a classroom without me or going up on stage, but she found a lot of confidence in herself this year through dance class. I'm so glad we started it with her.
• She rode rides at Busch Gardens with courage. Some of them made her a little nervous but she decided she wanted to do them and she did!
• She continues to have an anxious side. If something is upsetting or embarrassing to her she'll get very tense and complain of being itchy or cold. This is something that I'm trying to tackle this year in helping her work through. She is very sensitive to being corrected or disciplined because she doesn't like to be wrong, or embarrassed or disappoint. I know this year will be filled with teaching her to accept correction graciously.
• She loves all things princesses. Her favorites change week to week, but currently Belle is holding the top spot.
• She loves playing with her princess barbie dolls in her doll house, and loves when I join in! She often wants to play like the barbies are putting on a dance recital or since Aunt Nin Nin had her baby, like her barbies are going to the hospital. 
• She still loves to play baby dolls, play like she's "fixing things", read books, play with stickers and play outside! 
• She loves to look at animals but does not want to pet them, unless its Piper.
• She got a bicycle for her birthday and still hasn't quite mastered it in the last 6 weeks but we'll get there! haha She can ride her tricycle though!
• She still loves to watch TV and movies! If I didn't limit her, she could probably watch something all day long!
• She loves to sleep with her teddy bear named "changin bear" and her polka dot blanket.
• She knows all of her letters and sounds. Knows all of her colors and shapes. Can count to 50. We had fun doing a relaxed preschool last year!
• She can easily recognize landmarks and neighborhoods belonging to families and friends. 
• She learned how to pump her legs on a swing to keep herself going! 
• She was able to swim by herself (with a life jacket), the year before she needed someone to hold her in some way.
• She has chores to complete every morning - feed Piper, feed her fish and empty the shoe basket by the front door. (Where we throw our shoes during the day!)
• She can fully dress herself and put away her clean clothes correctly. 
• She is a great Big sissy and is very giving to Lilly! She is always willing to play and share with her. It is fun to watch them become closer and closer as they grow.

We are entering uncharted territory this fall with Reaghan...

We've signed her up for dance class! We are entering into the world of organized activities with our kids. The world where you have to get them to a certain place every week, buy them certain items to participate in said activity and cheer them on as they grow and learn. All summer we were talking about signing her up for something this fall and we were trying to decide between soccer and dance. She loves to run and kick the ball (a girl after her mama's own heart!) but soccer meant games every Saturday... usually early games... SO we totally made a selfish decision and chose dance instead! haha We figure we have YEARS ahead of us of getting up early on Saturday mornings for sporting events so why not postpone it at least another year? Lucky for us, Reaghan is also really into wearing tutu's, twirling around, and doing anything that makes her feel like a princess. (This part of her is definitely not after her mama, but I'm completely on board with loving and promoting all princess activities in this house.)

Choosing dance worked out for us in the end because my sister in law also wanted to sign her little girl up for dance so now Reaghan will be taking taking ballet and tap with her cousin Brooklyn every Thursday night.

Their studio had an open house last week so we took the girls to meet their teacher and get fitted for their ballet and tap shoes.

Reaghan has officially been pacifier free for 1 whole week!

She has only been allowed to use her paci at nap times and bedtimes for almost a year now, but for some reason we just couldn't get rid of it all together. Some of it was hesitancy on my part. I knew how easily the pacifier helped her fall asleep and I was selfishly worried that she wouldn't nap or sleep as well without it. Obviously as she's gotten older its become more and more obvious that she didn't really need it she was just used to using it.

When Lilly was born I tried to feel her out about getting rid of the paci, saying that now that Lilly was here she might need all the paci's and since she was a big girl she should give her pacifiers to Lilly. She was very matter of fact in that conversation, letting me know that Lilly had her own paci's and she could keep her big girl paci's. She wasn't really getting the whole "big girls don't use pacifiers" thing. Since she didn't jump on board with a positive connection between Lilly and giving up the paci's I decided to wait for a couple months so there wouldn't be any negative associations. Maybe I read too many blog posts and over thought the idea that she might be bitter towards Lilly if she was the reason she had to give up her paci because honestly, Reaghan has shown zero jealousy, bitterness, resentment whatever towards her baby sister. So it probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but wait I did. Also, I needed to come to a place where I was getting enough sleep that I could handle any toddler meltdowns in the middle of the night along with the newborn's needs! Once I felt like I could handle it if went horrifically wrong, I started telling her at night during her bed time routine that we were going to have to say goodbye to her paci soon, and then I said in a few days, and then one night I told her that if she gave up her pacifier she would get a special treat. {she sort of loves special treats!} She immediately pulled her paci out of her mouth and handed it to me! haha I told her I didn't have a special treat right then, and that she could sleep with her paci one more night and the next day we would say goodbye to the pacifier and get a special treat. She went to bed really excited about the idea. I went to bed thinking oh man, this is it. We have to go through with it now! This could be my last night of decent(ish) sleep for a while!

The following night at dinner we told her our plan. We said we would put her pacifier in a special bag, take it to the ice cream shop and throw it away and after she threw it away she could get her special ice cream treat! She was so excited! I l.o.v.e when she gets excited about things. When we got there she marched right up to that trashcan, took her paci out of the back and tossed it into the trashcan without a second thought! I was the one that got a little choked up when I saw that pink paci fall into the dark hole. I'm ridiculously sentimental. But you guys! My first baby is growing up!

So this probably isn't a real exciting post but I love to document these kinds of things to be able to look back on. I know I could do it in a baby book, but this little blog has become my favorite place to post. And now that we have Lilly its so easy to go back and compare stories... like reading Reaghan's 1 month post as I did Lilly's.

Reaghan is 2 1/2 today! We are in the thick of the toddler days with her and while she is a total sweetheart 90% of the time because of her more reserved, quiet, God-given disposition, she's still a toddler. She can whine and cry and sass with the best of them. She is more inclined to whine about things than to throw an all out temper tantrum {I honestly don't know what I would prefer} but the few times she's had a full on melt down have revolved around using the potty {randomly she'll decide she doesn't ever need to poop again} or when we've allowed her to have screen time with her little kindle that we got for road trips. {once it was because she had to stop using the Kindle while she was on the potty -- double whammy! -- and it happened right as a visitor walked through our door to bring us dinner after Lilly was born. It was a humbling moment.}