I've made a huge, horrible parenting faux pas that I never thought I would make. I'm actually really ashamed to admit it because it seems like its so simple. If you would've painted me the scenario prior to having kids I would've known the exact right answer to give you. Not that there IS always an exact right answer to parenting, but I would've thought there was. But even if there isn't a perfect answer for everyone, I do feel like I screwed the pooch on something that is pretty straight forward for most people. Your child eats whatever you eat for dinner.
You guys... I have not been following this basic law of parenting. I have been making my 4 year old different dinners for the last...ummm... 3 years.
This week I finally decided to make the change... But first let me explain!
Reaghan is the pickiest eater of all time. And I am 100% not exaggerating. I'll list at the end the things she will actually eat because its small enough that I can make a list! She started off eating food off of our plates along with her baby food when she was a baby... I didn't have any concerns about what she was/was not eating until right after she turned a year old. She suddenly started turning down foods that she previously ate and I guess in a slow fade type of way we ended up where we are today where she eats only a very small list of foods and I catered to that during meal times. Don't mistake what I'm saying though. I have tried my HARDEST to get her to eat what we're having for dinner over the last 3 years. I've flipped back and forth between not wanting to make food a big deal so I just let her eat what she likes to standing my ground, insisting that she try a bite of something. The latter usually ended up in melt downs that were then followed by being disciplined because of her meltdowns. It was difficult for her to differentiate that the discipline wasn't because she wasn't eating but because of the fit she was throwing about the eating. This just lead to complete frustration for both Mark and I {and Reaghan} and stressful dinner times. We've also tried an in between method of telling her that she doesn't have to eat whats on her plate but if she doesn't than she doesn't get dessert. This would also lead to extreme meltdowns because, of course, she loves dessert.
I would read so much advice on this subject. All of the articles, all of the blogs. Most agreed that food shouldn't be made in to a big deal and you should let your child come to the new foods on their own. So for the last year we've mostly been rotating between 2 dinners for Reaghan. Usually she'll either get Greek Yogurt, fruit and crackers or one of those GoGo squeeze pouches with the veggies in it and a fruit bar with something else on the side. There would be some variations to these meals here and there but those were kind of the two staple meals. I didn't LOVE this solution but I'd been okay with it because I didn't feel like I was catering to her every whim or fancy for what she wanted to eat for dinner. I wasn't "taking her order" every night, if she didn't eat what we were eating {which she never did unless it was pizza.} then I would give her one of those two options and I decided which one she got each night based on what else she had eaten that day. We would always offer her the food we were having but she always turned it down. Of course, a few months ago I started getting frustrated again that these were her meals so I made sure to put a little something of what were having on her plate and again insist she eat one bite if she wanted a snack. She responded better this time around, as in she didn't have major melt downs, but trying the food still brought on the waterworks and dramatic gagging while she was chewing. Mark and I did better at staying calm and matter of fact implementing this strategy for like the 3rd time and by the end of dinner she had usually taken a bite and then finished her other food, but it was back to feeling like our dinner was no longer enjoyable.
Now let me go off on a little side note and say that I do think she has some oral texture issues. I've talked about her picky eating with our pediatrician and because Reaghan is healthy and growing she isn't currently concerned. Mark is a pretty picky eater himself and he is also sensitive to the texture of things. His mom relates to our issues with Reaghan and jokes that its payback for everything he put her through as a kid! So Reaghan comes by it honestly. Reaghan is also a very sensitive child who hates to disappoint and easily gets anxious about things, which she gets from me! I think combining these things made her feel awful about not wanting to eat but she really cannot stop herself from gagging on some foods. I think trying to be sensitive to things like her texture issues but also not wanting it to be an excuse for poor behavior has added to my struggle and inconsistency on how to deal with her eating issues.
Okay, back to why its finally changing. Like I said dinner time was starting to feel stressful again and I was starting to feel guilty about that, so I was starting to lay off on the whole "try one bite thing" again. Which was just more inconsistency from me! But there were 2 turning points that really made me stop and say we have to make a permanent change here. First, Reaghan had her first sleepover at her cousins house. {She's spent the night at my parent's house before, but even if she was a good eater she'd probably just eat ice cream for dinner over there so I never cared.} She'd never had a sleepover at another house with another kid and I wanted to impress on her that when you are a visitor in someone else's home you should be polite and eat what they make for you. It wasn't so much that I worried about her actions with her family members, her aunt and uncle are well aware of her picky eating and were planning on having things they know she likes because they love her, but it opened my eyes a little. Like, hey, this girl is growing up and she might start to get invited to have dinner with friends in the next couple of years! How can I train her to be polite and grateful in a food situation when she is out of the house if we aren't creating and practicing that for her at home?
The second turning point was that Lilly was starting to turn down her normal foods as she's become more aware of whats going on around her and could tell that Reaghan wasn't eating what everyone else was eating.
That one was the real kicker. I said no more. I'm not doing this with two kids. Seriously, it seems like a no-brainer. Obviously you can't feed one child what you're eating but let the other one have something different every night. How did I even get to where I am with this whole situation?! I really am pretty embarrassed to even write this down and I readily admit that this has not been the shining moment of my motherhood so far.
So whats the new plan? What are we doing now? Well, it's the most basic answer. Dinner is dinner. Nothing extra or special on anyone's plate. Whatever I make is what is going on their plate. I will try to incorporate something that I know she likes, even if it is a small something, so she can be eating and not just sitting there watching us eat but that won't always happen. There's no catch. If she doesn't want to eat it then she doesn't have to. She can still have dessert or "snack." But the pre-bedtime snack that they always get has drastically reduced in size. We used to let them have a cookie or a little Debbie cake but its now a single Hershey Kiss. {I know I could do changing snack to something a little healthier as well, but we have healthy snacks during the day and I don't think there's anything wrong with having something sweet in the evenings, so that's why I decided on the small piece of chocolate.} I've had to push past a little bit of mom guilt that my girl might be going to bed hungry because she didn't eat anything for dinner and only had a small piece of chocolate before bed, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one.
We started our new dinner time rule this past Monday without any fuss or fanfare. Just matter of fact-ly gave her what was for dinner. She hasn't eaten a bite of what I've made so far. {Except for tonight when we had pizza.} But I will tell you this... She has been eating every. last. bite. of her breakfast! Breakfast in the past could sometimes be a challenge... usually she'd eat about half of what was given her and every once in a while be whiny about what we were having, even if she'd eaten it before without a problem. This week? She's been scarfing down what ever is on her plate.
I do try to make sure she gets ample nutrition during the day with breakfast, snacks and lunch. I choose what's for lunch like with all meal times, but I'm willing to give her yummy food that she enjoys to fill her belly like Greek yogurt, regular yogurt, fruit, peanut butter and crackers, or smoothies with hidden veggies, etc. Just so you know I'm not letting my child starve. ; )
I don't know if it will be another year before she tries anything new, but for the first time in a long time I feel like this is the right answer. Dinner time has been stress free and I just have to remind myself to keep it that way. I honestly don't know why it took me so long. Too much over thinking and inconsistency and guilt of not being able to find a solution and guilt of implementing the wrong strategies. There's no use regretting what's been the painful ups and downs of our dinner time. It's just time to move forward in God's grace and with a renewed sense of order this year. My prayer is that, since there isn't any pressure now, she'll eventually start trying new foods on her own. I'll let you know how it goes. <3
Food Reaghan Will Eat: (Does not include snack foods like goldfish, cheerios, etc.)
Instant oatmeal
Pancake/Waffles
Muffins
Donuts
Yogurt
Greek Yogurt
Apples
Bananas
Grapes
Blueberries
Strawberries
Earth's Best granola bars - no other brand.
Lara Bars - various flavors.
GoGo squeeze pouches. (2 flavors)
Cheese Pizza (But not pizza bites or pizza bagels or anything else pizza-like, just a slice of pizza.)
Peanut butter (all by its self)
Plain crackers
Cheese crackers/peanut butter crackers
Smoothies/Green smoothies
Soft Pretzels
*Does not eat any kind of meat, cheese by itself, or bread for any kind of sandwich.
You guys... I have not been following this basic law of parenting. I have been making my 4 year old different dinners for the last...ummm... 3 years.
This week I finally decided to make the change... But first let me explain!
Reaghan is the pickiest eater of all time. And I am 100% not exaggerating. I'll list at the end the things she will actually eat because its small enough that I can make a list! She started off eating food off of our plates along with her baby food when she was a baby... I didn't have any concerns about what she was/was not eating until right after she turned a year old. She suddenly started turning down foods that she previously ate and I guess in a slow fade type of way we ended up where we are today where she eats only a very small list of foods and I catered to that during meal times. Don't mistake what I'm saying though. I have tried my HARDEST to get her to eat what we're having for dinner over the last 3 years. I've flipped back and forth between not wanting to make food a big deal so I just let her eat what she likes to standing my ground, insisting that she try a bite of something. The latter usually ended up in melt downs that were then followed by being disciplined because of her meltdowns. It was difficult for her to differentiate that the discipline wasn't because she wasn't eating but because of the fit she was throwing about the eating. This just lead to complete frustration for both Mark and I {and Reaghan} and stressful dinner times. We've also tried an in between method of telling her that she doesn't have to eat whats on her plate but if she doesn't than she doesn't get dessert. This would also lead to extreme meltdowns because, of course, she loves dessert.
I would read so much advice on this subject. All of the articles, all of the blogs. Most agreed that food shouldn't be made in to a big deal and you should let your child come to the new foods on their own. So for the last year we've mostly been rotating between 2 dinners for Reaghan. Usually she'll either get Greek Yogurt, fruit and crackers or one of those GoGo squeeze pouches with the veggies in it and a fruit bar with something else on the side. There would be some variations to these meals here and there but those were kind of the two staple meals. I didn't LOVE this solution but I'd been okay with it because I didn't feel like I was catering to her every whim or fancy for what she wanted to eat for dinner. I wasn't "taking her order" every night, if she didn't eat what we were eating {which she never did unless it was pizza.} then I would give her one of those two options and I decided which one she got each night based on what else she had eaten that day. We would always offer her the food we were having but she always turned it down. Of course, a few months ago I started getting frustrated again that these were her meals so I made sure to put a little something of what were having on her plate and again insist she eat one bite if she wanted a snack. She responded better this time around, as in she didn't have major melt downs, but trying the food still brought on the waterworks and dramatic gagging while she was chewing. Mark and I did better at staying calm and matter of fact implementing this strategy for like the 3rd time and by the end of dinner she had usually taken a bite and then finished her other food, but it was back to feeling like our dinner was no longer enjoyable.
Now let me go off on a little side note and say that I do think she has some oral texture issues. I've talked about her picky eating with our pediatrician and because Reaghan is healthy and growing she isn't currently concerned. Mark is a pretty picky eater himself and he is also sensitive to the texture of things. His mom relates to our issues with Reaghan and jokes that its payback for everything he put her through as a kid! So Reaghan comes by it honestly. Reaghan is also a very sensitive child who hates to disappoint and easily gets anxious about things, which she gets from me! I think combining these things made her feel awful about not wanting to eat but she really cannot stop herself from gagging on some foods. I think trying to be sensitive to things like her texture issues but also not wanting it to be an excuse for poor behavior has added to my struggle and inconsistency on how to deal with her eating issues.
Okay, back to why its finally changing. Like I said dinner time was starting to feel stressful again and I was starting to feel guilty about that, so I was starting to lay off on the whole "try one bite thing" again. Which was just more inconsistency from me! But there were 2 turning points that really made me stop and say we have to make a permanent change here. First, Reaghan had her first sleepover at her cousins house. {She's spent the night at my parent's house before, but even if she was a good eater she'd probably just eat ice cream for dinner over there so I never cared.} She'd never had a sleepover at another house with another kid and I wanted to impress on her that when you are a visitor in someone else's home you should be polite and eat what they make for you. It wasn't so much that I worried about her actions with her family members, her aunt and uncle are well aware of her picky eating and were planning on having things they know she likes because they love her, but it opened my eyes a little. Like, hey, this girl is growing up and she might start to get invited to have dinner with friends in the next couple of years! How can I train her to be polite and grateful in a food situation when she is out of the house if we aren't creating and practicing that for her at home?
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| Christmas Eve dinner. My niece Anslee cheesing for the picture! |
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| All of my pictures are of the girls eating sweets! They do have a strong sweet tooth but that's not all we eat! I only have pictures of us eating when its a special occasion! No pictures of us just eating a normal dinner. |
That one was the real kicker. I said no more. I'm not doing this with two kids. Seriously, it seems like a no-brainer. Obviously you can't feed one child what you're eating but let the other one have something different every night. How did I even get to where I am with this whole situation?! I really am pretty embarrassed to even write this down and I readily admit that this has not been the shining moment of my motherhood so far.
So whats the new plan? What are we doing now? Well, it's the most basic answer. Dinner is dinner. Nothing extra or special on anyone's plate. Whatever I make is what is going on their plate. I will try to incorporate something that I know she likes, even if it is a small something, so she can be eating and not just sitting there watching us eat but that won't always happen. There's no catch. If she doesn't want to eat it then she doesn't have to. She can still have dessert or "snack." But the pre-bedtime snack that they always get has drastically reduced in size. We used to let them have a cookie or a little Debbie cake but its now a single Hershey Kiss. {I know I could do changing snack to something a little healthier as well, but we have healthy snacks during the day and I don't think there's anything wrong with having something sweet in the evenings, so that's why I decided on the small piece of chocolate.} I've had to push past a little bit of mom guilt that my girl might be going to bed hungry because she didn't eat anything for dinner and only had a small piece of chocolate before bed, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one.
We started our new dinner time rule this past Monday without any fuss or fanfare. Just matter of fact-ly gave her what was for dinner. She hasn't eaten a bite of what I've made so far. {Except for tonight when we had pizza.} But I will tell you this... She has been eating every. last. bite. of her breakfast! Breakfast in the past could sometimes be a challenge... usually she'd eat about half of what was given her and every once in a while be whiny about what we were having, even if she'd eaten it before without a problem. This week? She's been scarfing down what ever is on her plate.
I do try to make sure she gets ample nutrition during the day with breakfast, snacks and lunch. I choose what's for lunch like with all meal times, but I'm willing to give her yummy food that she enjoys to fill her belly like Greek yogurt, regular yogurt, fruit, peanut butter and crackers, or smoothies with hidden veggies, etc. Just so you know I'm not letting my child starve. ; )
I don't know if it will be another year before she tries anything new, but for the first time in a long time I feel like this is the right answer. Dinner time has been stress free and I just have to remind myself to keep it that way. I honestly don't know why it took me so long. Too much over thinking and inconsistency and guilt of not being able to find a solution and guilt of implementing the wrong strategies. There's no use regretting what's been the painful ups and downs of our dinner time. It's just time to move forward in God's grace and with a renewed sense of order this year. My prayer is that, since there isn't any pressure now, she'll eventually start trying new foods on her own. I'll let you know how it goes. <3
Food Reaghan Will Eat: (Does not include snack foods like goldfish, cheerios, etc.)
Instant oatmeal
Pancake/Waffles
Muffins
Donuts
Yogurt
Greek Yogurt
Apples
Bananas
Grapes
Blueberries
Strawberries
Earth's Best granola bars - no other brand.
Lara Bars - various flavors.
GoGo squeeze pouches. (2 flavors)
Cheese Pizza (But not pizza bites or pizza bagels or anything else pizza-like, just a slice of pizza.)
Peanut butter (all by its self)
Plain crackers
Cheese crackers/peanut butter crackers
Smoothies/Green smoothies
Soft Pretzels
*Does not eat any kind of meat, cheese by itself, or bread for any kind of sandwich.
