In my last post I talked about the morning sickness woes with my first and second pregnancies and ended promising a followup on my third, so here it is!

When 2019 came around we knew we wanted to try again for a 3rd baby at some point this year. We were thinking a little later in the year but by mid February this little girl's life had begun. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I began praying in earnest that my morning sickness would not be as bad as the others. I felt a sureness in my soul that it wouldn't be so bad. I was in the best shape that I'd been in since before Reaghan was born. I was eating the Trim Healthy Mama way regularly, I was only a few pounds away from my ultimate goal weight but felt good about my health so I wasn't concerned. I had run a marathon and a 50k only 2 months before. I had also been soaking in Epsom salt baths because of my sore muscles from running so I was excited that my magnesium levels were probably pretty good - since that's supposed to be a contributing factor to morning sickness - and felt confident that it would lessen my symptoms!


I think it was this false sense of confidence in the beginning that it made the morning sickness so hard to accept when the hyperemesis kicked in only 10 days after finding out I was pregnant.

There isn't really a need to share the details again, you get the idea - vomit non stop, unable to keep any solids or liquids down, sudden weight loss. Again I was faced with the reality that I had someone besides myself to care for {2 this time!} when I felt like I could barely survive the day. I couldn't reconcile how I was going to make it happen. Within only a few days I was significantly depressed and overwhelmed. I laid in bed one night crying and sent my mom and sisters this text.


When I sent it, I didn't feel like I was over exaggerating. It is sincerely how I felt. I couldn't see through the darkness of being that sick. I couldn't imagine feeling this way for another 12 weeks, I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time and I knew this would last well past the 1st trimester. I wish I could say that it was then that I cried out to God and allowed His grace to be sufficient for me, but instead I spent 2 more weeks wallowing in my self pity, swearing that this would be my last pregnancy because if I made it through this, I absolutely COULD NOT do it again.

But God was so gracious while I sat in my pit of despair. He sent my family and friends to help lift me up. Mark of course was the constant, steady rock through it all. Caring for the girls as soon as he was home from work from dinners to baths to bedtimes. Its truly an exhausting time for him, not only because he takes on many of my household responsibilities on top of working but I keep him at night with my trips to the bathroom and tossing and turning in bed. He has never complained about it in any of my pregnancies. My older sister is always the generous giver and brought me everything she could think of that might ease my sickness from peppermints to suck on to straws so I could sip drinks slowly. Friends brought dinners for my family to eat and ordered pizza's to be delivered to our home. My mom took Reaghan to her dance classes. My sister and friends picked the girls up for play dates to get them out of the house and brought me one of the only things I could seem to sip on and keep down - a Starbucks frappe.

Not my most flattering picture, but basically how we survived the evenings until bedtime.

It was through their selfless acts towards me and my family that God's grace began to poke through my gloom and despondency. I began to feel my conscience pricked by my selfish attitude and then one day I decided to listen to one of Oh Hey Truth's podcast in their series of Philippians. They talked about Paul and what he was probably going through being in prison. I was convicted of how little my suffering was compared to what others have endured before me, and for much less joyful reasons than carrying a new life! I was convicted of how I certainly had not been rejoicing in any of my suffering. I had not been feeling especially thankful for the ease of getting pregnant or the babe growing inside of me. The darkness started to fall away as I listened to God's Word. It was then that my soul finally called out to God; repenting of selfishness and asking for help to change my attitude and perspective.

And here's the thing. My attitude did change, but my sickness persisted. I continued to need to spend the majority of the day laying on the couch and get sick with every sight and smell of food. I didn't call off work anymore, but in a truly un-explainable, God-is-gracious way, my schedule would "fall apart" on its own and I didn't have to work as many hours in the middle of a busy spring sports schedule. I knew I was headed for an ER trip with the way things were going so I began forcing myself to eat or drink even though I knew it would probably come back up... I just prayed some of it would stay down long enough to make a difference. I did my best to do a load of laundry or wipe the counters or make it to church... all the while rushing to the bathroom when necessary. It still sucked. My throat was still raw to the point of bleeding some times from the vomiting, BUT I wasn't in my pit. On the worst days the hours seemed to drag by and I was still a little less patient with my toddlers than I like to admit, BUT I could recognize it get myself together.

Eventually the symptoms began to lessen as they had before and I just had to deal with the nausea and not so much of the vomiting. I eventually weaned myself off the Zofran because it was making me extremely exhausted throughout the day and that was a totally different challenging symptom!

So here were are now... the severity of the beginning starting to fade the way the memory of labor pains do though clearly not completely gone from my mind! The last two pregnancies I felt MUCH better around 18-20 weeks but for whatever reason I'm now 27 weeks and still waking up nauseous almost every morning. I have to make sure I get some solid protein for breakfast or I feel light headed and faint and have to lay down for 15 minutes or so. Every few days or so I gag my way through making dinner or lose my dinner doing ONLINE grocery shopping. I think the rough emotional start and the fact that this is the longest I've had to deal with being sick has made this third go around the hardest by far.

BUT those things above aren't happening every day. Over all I feel 100% better than I did in the beginning and in that I rejoice! In some ways I'm embarrassed to look back at how I handled the first few weeks of being sick this time around, but I'm so grateful that God pursued my heart in my darkness. He was faithful to me when I was at the end of my rope. At one point after God began to change my heart, I listened to another podcast by Raising Arrows about her experience with severe morning sickness and hyperemesis and every word she spoke was like a soothing balm on my soul because I could relate to it in every way. I write this in hopes that I can just join Amy in her testimony and let you know that if you're struggling to get through morning sickness, you aren't alone! I've been there. Others have been there. It can be so hard! But God is there for you too if you let Him in. He wants to walk with you in your sickness and His grace is sufficient to see you through! You will get through this Mama!

    I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

    they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

    you will not be burned;

    the flames will not set you ablaze."

If you follow the British Royal family at all you probably heard the term "Hyperemesis Gravidarum" when Kate Middleton was pregnant with her first baby. If you haven't, it's a form of severe morning sickness with severe and persistent nausea and vomiting that can lead to weight loss, dehydration and possible hospitalization. Guess what lucky girl has the Kate Middleton experience when she gets pregnant... yep! This girl! Hearing about Kate Middleton's experience was the first time I'd ever heard of Hyperemesis and while I find the Royal family intriguing and will occasionally read an article or two about their lives I wouldn't say I follow them, so after hearing about it I didn't think much about it until a year later when I got pregnant for the first time.

Along with all of the exciting things that happen when you find out you're pregnant, I knew some "morning sickness" was coming my way. I'll never forget walking into church the Sunday after we found out we were expecting and thinking how cute it was that I was feeling a little queasy. The thought of it being more than that wasn't in my head yet. I just want to go back in time and give my former naive, little self a hug and tell her she has no idea what's about to come.


 I was about 6 weeks when the hyperemesis set in with Reaghan. At the time I thought it was normal, that this was just what morning sickness was like and that I just needed to toughen up and get through it. I didn't know any different and I was a little embarrassed to admit to people how hard of a time I was having. They would suggest eating crackers before I got out of bed, or nibbling on crackers throughout the day while sipping Gingerale. They suggested sucking on hard candy or peppermints. All of the usual remedies for morning sickness weren't doing anything for me. No matter what I tried, I threw it up. 




I was working full time then and 3 days a week I had to be at the clinic for a 645 am patient. Looking back I'm not sure how I survived. I remember frequently having to leave my patient in the middle of the gym as I ran to the bathroom or a nearby trashcan to vomit... or many times just dry heave as there wasn't much in my stomach to throw up. It was miserable and obviously I wasn't able to keep my pregnancy a secret for very long at work.

I have vivid memories of having to pull my car over on the way home from work or on my way to get lunch because I was getting sick, or pulling whatever receptacle (like the plastic covering of a news paper) that was in my car and throwing up WHILE driving because it was either that or puke all over myself.

I couldn't stand the smell, sight or thought of food. Commercials, billboards, grocery stores, restaurants - they all threatened to be the death of me! I swear I could smell food THROUGH the closed refrigerator doors! I was able to eat cold deli sandwiches with the most success, but even that wasn't full proof. I would crawl into bed every night after work begging for sleep to get a little relief from the nausea and vomiting. Mark did his best to get me to eat and drink and was always trying to bring me new solutions like Gatorade ice cubes to suck on to keep me hydrated. He watched movies with me in bed on the weekends and did all of the grocery shopping and dinner making for himself.

I tried my best to function during that time because I didn't know how sick I was. I went to work, tried to make it to family functions, and made myself go to church when I could. Like I said, I thought I was just doing a poor job of handling the morning sickness and needed to toughen up.



I lost 15 pounds the first couple of months of my pregnancy and didn't put back on any weight until the doctors finally prescribed me some anti nausea medication and I finally started taking it. I was hesitant to take it regularly because I didn't want to put anything in my body that wasn't necessary. (Which was totally a first time mom way to think and didn't make sense because food and fluid were what my baby needed and I wasn't getting that to her unless I took the medicine!) The meds helped curb the vomiting enough that I could start keeping food down but it never took away the nauseous feeling so it was fantastic and a little bit of a disappointment at the same time. I was desperate for the 13 week mark when people told me I would start finally feeling better, but I didn't start to feel like a normal human again until 19 weeks. I'll never forget the first day I woke up and didn't puke right away and then made it to lunch time before getting nauseous. I celebrated in my car that I finally felt normal! I had bouts of nausea and even some puking on and off for the rest of the pregnancy but after the halfway point it was completely manageable. Even eventually without the medication. I just had to make sure I ate every 2-3 hours. I can't be 100% sure, but I think what I feel the second half of my pregnancies is what most women feel in their first trimester, or at least a minor form of that.

While I threw up during labor with Reaghan, thankfully every symptom was gone the minute she was out of my body and I ate my "after birth celebration meal" without any repercussions!

When we decided to get pregnant with Lilly I tried to research everything possible to lessen my chances of getting sick again. I took magnesium and Epsom salt baths because magnesium deficiency is supposed to be a contributing factor. I also tried my best to change up my diet in the weeks leading up to conception to help with any other deficiencies I might have had. Unfortunately it was no use. I ended up getting just as sick and it was twice as difficult the second time because even though I was only working 2 days a week, I had a 2 year old that had to be taken care of during the day. Again I tried everything I could to keep food down. Eating bland foods. Eating protein. Eating small amounts. Sipping on ginger tea. Sucking hard candies. And while some things like sucking on lemon drops helped in the moment, long enough for me to change a diaper or get Reaghan dressed, it wasn't long before I was rushing to a sink or a toilet. It was nearly impossible to even make it through a shower without throwing up in the shower.

Mark took this picture of Reaghan napping with me on the couch one day.

You can see from my journal entry that I eventually ended up in the emergency room the second time around due to dehydration. My brown pee staring back at me from the cup made me cry as I waited for the IV fluids to get into my system. I asked my OB for the medicine immediately after that night and took it everyday right away this time around. I was at a new OB and they weren't aware of my previous experience, but by now I knew it wasn't just me being a wimp at morning sickness and I needed to be able to function enough to care for my toddler and the growing babe in my belly.

I got dressed nice and smiled for our announcement pictures, because I really wanted 4th of July themed pictures, but I was miserable and felt like fainting during most of this photo shoot. I could barely function the rest of the day.

Both times the ability to drink water again was a huge milestone that I was so thankful for. Being desperate for water but throwing it up immediately after drinking even a small glass is miserable. It was only possible to take the smallest of sips several minutes apart to have any hope of keeping it down at all. Thankfully with Lilly, once I got to the point of keeping food and water down, (with the Zofran) I was able to start being more active and even got back into running a little bit and that was able to continue after stopping the medicine! I always have to remind myself in the hardest moments that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The tunnel might feel long and dark at the time but it does have an end!

We had our 20 week ultrasound at the beginning of June to check up on baby #3, make sure baby was growing and healthy and of course find out the gender!

We are having...

In my last post 2 1/2 months ago I wrote about our fun Valentines Day and at the end posted with a picture of Mark and I and going out and saying that Valentines date would always hold a special place in my heart. That's because earlier that day I had handed him a big surprise!

I had an OB appointment yesterday for my official 40 week appointment and also to check on baby to make sure she's doing okay since we're past the due date now.

I had an ultrasound first where they checked fluid levels and her heart beat. Everything looked good which was great! She was so low in my pelvis and smooshed up and out of room that was hard to get a good look at her, the tech kept having me flip from side to to side to see if we could get her to wiggle around a bit more but she was content where she was. They did say she was sunny side up which confirms my suspicions because of all of the start-stop labor I've been having. Apparently babes in the position can sometimes have a hard time putting enough pressure on the cervix to keep things going or contractions will start up to try and flip the baby and then fizzle out if the baby isn't turning.

After the ultrasound I went and grabbed lunch to try and get something in my belly so the baby would be more active for the next appointment and then after that I headed to a non-stress test. You guys, I would totally sign up for a non-stress test at every month in my pregnancy if I had to. I literally sat in a recliner with monitors on my belly watching HGTV for an hour. It was like getting a little nap!

40 weeks! Actually today I'm 40w+2 days. Apparently my babes like to spend extra quality time with their mommy before making their appearance.

I made kind of a spur of the moment decision a few weeks ago to run a fun 10k the weekend of Halloween. I hadn't been running very much, so I wasn't sure how much of the 6.2 miles I was going to be able to actually run but there were two girls at work who also wanted to run it while pushing their kiddos in the strollers and they were willing to walk/run it with me so we decided to go for it.

I've run the race a few times pre-baby with Mark and his sister and brother-in-law.

.... As soon as I felt the gush I bolted to the bathroom. It was 5:25am. Luckily the the initial gush was more internal so I only dripped a little before making it to the bathroom. (Yay for not having a big mess to clean off our leather couch!) I sort of stood in disbelief for a minute or two in the bathroom. I couldn't believe my water had actually broken! I was almost unsure that it actually was my water breaking - weird, I know. I mean, I was pretty sure it was, but I had been waiting for it happen for so long that it was sort of surreal when it did happen! Even when I woke Mark up I told him I "thought" my water just broke. We had a brief conversation making sure it really was my water, including questions regarding the color of the liquid coming out of me, before we decided Mark should get up.

I called the hospital to let them know we would be coming in soon - they wanted me in as soon as my water broke to get antibiotics because I was GBS+. I took a quick shower and mentally ran through all of the things we needed to grab that we hadn't put in our hospital bags. I called my parents to let them know and before hanging up the phone my mom asked how I was feeling.... I said excited but nervous! I was actually getting ready to go push this baby out of me!

For the first 30 minutes after my water broke - I didn't feel any contractions. I was nervous that labor wouldn't really start for a while and that they might want to give me drugs to help get things started. But thankfully, right before we left the house, I had a nice strong contraction and they continued to get stronger on the way to the hospital. They were about 5 minutes apart and they were different than any of the ones I had felt in the past few weeks. They were strong, painful and I felt them all the way into my thighs.

It was 6:30am when we got to the hospital. The midwife came in to check me and found that I was 6cm dilated and 100% effaced. She was very excited for me and said the baby would probably be here before lunch! I was a little skeptical because I knew I was 5cm all last week so at this point I wasn't too convinced that my labor was going to be fast, but I was hopeful. We talked about our birth plan with the Nurse and we all agreed that no pain meds would be offered to me unless I requested them.



 I spent the first hour laying in the bed, getting the IV antibiotics and monitoring Reaghan to make sure she was handling labor without any stress. The contractions were still about 4-5 minutes apart at this point. I was breathing through them fine and still smiling, joking and conversing with Mark and the Nurses during and between. Mark and I took that time to pray with each other for a safe labor and delivery for me and the baby and strength to get through the day. After the dose of antibiotics had finished I was able to get up and move around so I decided to sit on the birthing ball for a while. The contractions started getting closer together, about 3 minutes apart, and a little harder to breathe through each time. Our labor and delivery nurse was fantastic at giving me tips to get through each contraction. She wasn't in the room the whole time, leaving Mark and I to work through labor together which is what we wanted, but when she did come in she helped remind me not to tense my shoulders, not to furrow my brow, and keep my groans low. She reminded me to relax and breathe into the contractions instead of tensing up and keeping Reaghan from dropping.




At about 9:00 the midwife came back in and suggested that I try to get up off of the ball so that labor would keep progressing. I was hesitant to do it because I felt like I was able to handle the pain really well sitting on the ball, but I didn't want things to stall either so I got up and tried different positions. I tried quadruped on the bed, but that lasted all of 5 minutes. The pain was really intense in that position and I couldn't breathe through it so I got up and just stood at the edge of the bed. I remember thinking briefly at that point during a contraction that I didn't think I could do this for several more hours because the pain was intensifying with each contraction. Thankfully Mark was there with encouraging words, hand squeezes and back rubs to spur me on.

We decided to walk the halls around 9:45. The Nurse told us to walk around for 20 minutes or so and then come back to see how I had progressed. As soon as we started walking the halls the contractions became 100x more intense then they had been. Mark would hold me up as I tried to relax in to the contraction and not fight it. About 5 minutes after we started walking around I suddenly had the urge to bear down during a contraction. This was the strangest sensation - I read about the bodies urge to push during labor and to follow your natural urge but I guess you just never know what to expect until you actually feel it. We walked by the nurses station and let them know what I was feeling. She took us back into the room and when she checked me I was 9 1/2 cm dilated!

It was 10:05am when the nurse called the midwife and the nursery nurses to let them know I would be pushing in about 20 minutes. I remember thinking theres no way I can wait 20 minutes to push! My body wants to push now! I was sweating and shaking through each contraction and the nurse was making another call in about 5 minutes to try and hurry the midwife in. Unfortunately the midwife was caught up with another patient so they had to page the Dr. on call. With each contraction I wanted to push harder and the Nurse was exceptional at coaching me to follow my body's urge but complete each push gradually to allow things to slowly stretch and avoid tearing. (Thankfully Reaghan was doing great through the whole process!) The next 45 minutes were a complete whirlwind. The nurse and Mark coached me through most of the pushing. My legs were cramping, my throat hurt, and my lips were chapped, I was getting pretty tired. With contraction I tried to push 3 times but often the 3rd time I couldn't finish the full push. Thankfully the Nurse and Mark provided excellent feedback - I needed that positive reinforcement that I was doing a good job. Just making eye contact and getting a smile and head nod from Mark was  what I needed to keep going. Since this was my first time giving birth each new phase of pushing was a learning process but also completely natural. I knew were getting close to the end because I could feel a distinct fullness as she was beginning to crown. I got excited when the nurse and Mark could see her head and they told me she had hair! I was ready to get her out!

But just when we were getting close to the end the nurse had me stop pushing during contractions to try and wait for the Dr. to get to the room. That was the most difficult part of the whole process. My body was naturally pushing during the contraction and I had to fight the urge to help it out. Not fun! I knew I had to start pushing her out soon and the nurse assured me she could deliver Reaghan without the Dr. and I totally believed her! I wasn't concerned about who was going to "catch" Reaghan as much as I was with just getting her out of me! The Dr. did finally come in at the midnight hour though to be the one to actually deliver Reaghan. With a big push her head was out - they had to hold us there and cut her cord because it had become wrapped around her neck and the Dr. couldn't get it around her head, but once that was done I pushed one more time and she was out!

11:05am Reaghan took her first breath! Only 4 1/2 hours after getting to the hospital and 5 1/2 hours after the whole process of active labor started! How awesome is that? Especially for my first time!

While the pain of child birth was excruciating, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever done or experienced. Nothing in my life has even come close to that moment of reaching down to grab my baby and pull her up on to my chest - finally seeing her beautiful face and head of hair after carrying  her for the past 9 months. It was overwhelming. Mark even teared up a bit! (and he's not one given over to emotions easily.)

Unfortunately I only got to hold her on my chest for about 10 seconds before they took her from me because she wasn't making any sounds. She was breathing fine, but not crying so they took her over to the table to give her oxygen and clean her up a bit for some stimulation. Praise the Lord she found her cry in a few short minutes and they brought her back to me! We got to enjoy skin to skin contact for the following hour and some special one on one time as a new family of 3 before my family came in to see her.

























They made it to the hospital just as she was being born! The nurses waited to get her further cleaned up and weighed until my family came in, so my mom got to be a part of seeing Reaghan's first washing and my sister got the chance to take some pictures. I couldn't wait to see how much she weighed! Her official stats were 8lbs 0oz and 20.5 inches long.




























I was so happy to have my family there right after her birth. We got to tell the whole story and Reaghan received so much love and kisses in her first few hours of life from many hands...








We spent the following 2 days in the hospital. We didn't sleep for the next 48 hours following her birth. I tried the first night but I couldn't stop holding her and staring at her precious face.

Midnight photo :)

And then I really did try the second night but we had rough night of learning to breast feed. (More on that another time maybe.) But no sleep didn't matter. We enjoyed family time just the 3 of us...

 ... and parents and sibling and friends coming to visit. The Lord blessed us with wonderful post partum care nurses and nurses and pediatricians who let us come down to the nursery for everything they wanted to do with Reaghan.

It was the most invigorating thing I have ever done. Only because it is the only other physically demanding experience I have put my body through, the labor process was much like running a marathon. I needed mental strength to help push me through physically. And just like when crossing the finish line of a race, I knew instantly after giving birth that I wanted to do it again. Many more times.

Overall I couldn't have asked for a better labor and delivery experience. I was able to make it through child birth naturally like I wanted, Reaghan was born healthy, there were no complications, and we received the extra blessing of a quick labor process. I can't thank the Lord enough for the beautiful and memorable experience.