Have you ever had some mommy fails? I'm not talking about the "I forgot to feed my kid a vegetable today." or even the "I forgot to re-apply the sunscreen" fails. I mean the self fails. The "crap, I should not have said/done that" fails.

I've had 2 big ones recently and I just wanted to kick myself both times.

One was being a little overly frustrated trying to get Reaghan to dance class one time. We were running 5 minutes behind and I knew we'd get there right on time as it was, but on our way we encountered a school bus stopping to let kids off, every red light possible, the shortest light in the history of man that only let 5 cars through at a time right at 5pm, and drivers that thought it would be fun to go 5 under the speed limit. I kid you not, I thought I was going to lose it. Actually, I kind of did. I grumbled, I may have exclaimed loudly "Drive people, drive!" once or twice and I think I banged the steering wheel with my fist. If that doesn't paint a pretty picture of myself... yikes. Truth is you guys, that that's not the first time I've ever lost my patience like that. but now? I have 2 little girls in the back seat. One 3 year old in particular watching my every move and asking "Are you frustrated mommy?" *face palm*

Ugh.

Mom Fail.

Ugh.

Christ follower fail.

It's so hard sometimes to remember that everything I say to my sweet girls means nothing if I can't live it out in my own life. I can't speak to Reaghan about self control when I don't exhibit it in my own life.

I am so thankful for grace. Sometimes I sit too high on my self righteous horse thinking I've got it all together and then my wretchedness comes out. My sin. My ugliness. The things that sit deep in my heart... impatience, a short temper, selfishness... they come out in my actions sometimes and I hate it. Thank God that His mercies are new every morning, which is good because that's how often I need it. More, actually.

In case you're wondering, we made it to dance class just fine. 8 minutes late, but it was fine. Because its a 3-4 year old ballet class, not the Nut Cracker. I lost my cool over being late to a 3 year old's dance class. *face palm again*

So much responsibility in raising this little ballerina. It's scary sometimes. Scary and humbling realizing how much influence I will have in her life. I know there are daily opportunities to show her how to live a Godly, virtuous life... but also daily opportunities to show her how much her mommy needs Jesus, and how much she needs Jesus too. My prayer isn't just that I would never lose my patience in front of her again{because I'm sure I will no matter how hard I try} but I think its that when I do fail, I would be humble enough to apologize and share with her my need for a savior - share with her His unending mercies for us when we do fail.