"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." 

Jeremiah 31:25

Do you ever feel like everything seems to come to a head all at once? Have you had one difficult, stressful thing happen and then right in the middle of trying to deal with that you're hit with another blow? And maybe even a 3rd or 4th? The ceiling is falling in on you and you just have to stand there and take it.

That's been my week.

It started with news of one relatives rapidly failing health after an accident and then more bad news of another relative getting a scary diagnosis from the doctor. It was a very emotional family lunch. 

The week continued with feeling convicted that it was time to reach out again and re-enter some murky waters of a broken relationship to offer grace and love even though it hadn't been received well in previous attempts. I wasn't sure how it would go this time but I allowed myself to be hopeful. I was praying for a better outcome that could begin to lead towards reconciliation. The offer was met with - we'll say - indifference at best... I was so frustrated by the "I couldn't care less" attitude but I tried to maintain hope.

Still more emotional burdens were waiting for me. A pressing sense of loneliness. It's something that I've been battling over the last several months and for some reason it is rearing its ugly head right now. It feels ridiculous to say that I'm struggling with this, but in an effort to be transparent, it's 100% true. One thing I am sure of though... it's an attack from the evil one. He knows my weaknesses and right now when I'm emotionally vulnerable, he's trying to use this to press me further into a pit. It has been adding to my weariness and making me feel disconnected and, well, alone. I hate it, I'm embarrassed by it and I'm annoyed by it but I'm just going to say it now... that even though I'm feeling this way, I see you satan. 

The weeks not over just yet but everything has come to a head. 

My heart was broken again by those dang murky waters. Every time the rejection feels like a kick in the stomach accompanied by a trip down memory lane wondering how in the world it even got to this point and experiencing all of the pain again. Every time I have to fight back against getting angry and bitter. Every time I have to choose love and forgiveness because I love Jesus. It's exhausting. 

And we lost a family member that no one knew we were going to lose 2 months ago. It hurts. It hurts to watch your parents grieve. It hurts to see your grandparents grieve. Its hard to watch people you love carry the burden of all of the what ifs, the could haves and the should haves. Grief is wearisome.

As all of this has transpired this week my heart, soul and mind feel so weary. I feel like if one more thing crashes at my feet I won't be able to take it. I feel lonely. But do you know what I know? That in spite of all these things, I am not alone. My God will lead me beside quiet waters and refresh my soul. He will never leave me or forsake me. He will strengthen me according to His word. He will set my feet upon the rock. He will turn my mourning into dancing. He is good. He is faithful. He can restore the years that the locusts have eaten. He can bring beauty from ashes. My soul finds rest in HIM. 

Psalms 23

Hebrews 13:5

psalms 119:28

Psalms 40:2

Psalms 30:11

Psalms 119:68

Lamentations 3:22-23

Joel 2:25

Isaiah 61:3

Psalms 62