So... I did a thing this past weekend that was completely out of my comfort zone.

I invited all of the ladies on my street to come to a book club at my house! *gasp*






There is a little bit of a back story here though. In a post a few weeks ago I opened up about a feeling of loneliness that I've been battling this past year. My relationship with one of my sisters who I was very close to is broken right now, my best friend since high school lives a few hours away and even after several attempts I've struggled to connect with people in the same stage and season of life that I'm in. I was really trying to put myself out there and "make friends" (which sounds a little ridiculous when you're almost 30 years old) but nothing was clicking with anybody. I'm thankful for a very close relationship with my older sister and mom, as well as my "baby" sister. I have dear friends at church who I love and admire but who are older and in a different season with kids in highschool/college. So for the past year or two I (and Mark) have been praying for a community of people in the same season we are in that we can really connect with. God has been leading me through this valley and this past spring He began to place on my heart to stop searching so hard for the "ideal" community that I had created in my head and to start paying attention to the community that was right in front of me. To find a community that I could serve instead of looking for one to serve my own wants and needs.

I began thinking that the community that was right in front of me were my literal neighbors and along with that the idea of a book club was born in my heart. I tried to shoo it away a few times because, eh, did I really want to try to have meaningful conversation with a bunch of strangers? I'm not good at that. But the thought kept surfacing! I mentioned it to Mark and he was supportive so I started "pinteresting" how to start a book club. My first plan was to do it over the summer but I allowed doubts to convince me otherwise.

Do you ever feel a nudge from God but start questioning it because you can't quite see how all of the details are going to work out? That's where I was. Who would watch the girls? How many times should I do the book club? Monthly? Quarterly? What book would we even read? What do you even do at a book club? What if people aren't interested? What if only 1 person shows up? What if no one shows up?!? And on and on and on. Even... "What will people think as they see me knock on every door?"

I let all of those thought keep me from doing anything over the summer but the nudge to do it never went away! I finally mentioned it at my bible study as we were talking about fears keeping us from following God and a friend promised to help keep me accountable by asking me about it. I liked the idea of accountability so I also mentioned it to my best friend the next time we talked on the phone.

After a couple more weeks of praying and putting it off and praying and putting it off, I finally decided to do it. I felt like God was telling me to just be obedient in this first step and the details would come later. He also freed me from the idea of a "successful" book club. Success in my eyes would be everyone coming and having a lively discussion about the book as we laugh and eat snacks and get to know one another and then become a super close neighborhood and I can share Jesus with all of them. Right? God told me to lay that idea down and let Him work. If only one person comes, thats fine. If no one comes? You know what, that's okay too. I do feel like I this could be the first step in getting to know my neighbors so that one day the door would be opened to show them God's love. I don't fully know His purposes in nudging me in this direction but I know He did.

I thought about just leaving invitations in the mail box but figured it would be much more personal if I knocked on the door with a personal invite. I got mostly positive responses! But as soon as I got home I started to feel ridiculous and silly and like everyone I had just invited was probably laughing and throwing the invitation away. Isn't that crazy? For months I felt like I should definitely do this but let doubts make me procrastinate, I finally do it and then instantly feel embarrassed. Ugh. What in the world? I'm thankful for 2 recent bible studies that talked about recognizing the lies from the enemy. I tried to get over the self serving feelings of embarrassment and just let it be!



We are reading the Orphan Train and it's set for the last Thursday in September so I'll definitely be praying a lot over it until then and doing more Pinterest research for how to have the best book club!

I will let you know how it goes!